Trauma Survivors Network - provided by ATS

Survive. Connect. Rebuild.

A Program of the ATS

Find it too hard to cope.

#1
Find it too hard to cope.
by Titanium on Oct 14, 2016, 09:46PM

Hello,
Im very new here so im not sure if this is the right way to go about this, but i have reached a point in my life where i can hardly cope with myself anymore. Which is a sad thing i admit given i am only 18. Following a horrible accident when i was 16 that resulted in two broken femurs, 3 major surgeries to set the bones, and minor head injuries i suffer with PTSD and find everyday a struggle. My main problem i hope someone can help me with is with identity and confidence issues. My body has been through so much, i have lost muscle, lost weight, gained muscle, lost it again. Due to all the surgeries but then recoveries my body has changed appearance so often in just 2 years. I struggle with this alot. It sounds petty and i feel silly saying it, but now when i am fully recovered and strong, i just cant cope with the way my legs look. It causes me huge anguish and grief. Can anyone please help me overcome myself, i am stopping myself from enjoying life, i dont go out often, i struggle to eat healthily (i know i dont eat enough) but i still feel like i am not myself and dont look like myself anymore.
Thank you for your time….
Any help is much appreciated.

Titanium

Posts: 3
Joined 10/14/2016

Message Privately
#2
Reply: Find it too hard to cope.
by bmunsky on Oct 29, 2016, 12:06AM

You have taken one of the most helpful steps during recovering from a Trauma. Talking to others and sharing what’s on your mind. I can relate to what you are going threw. I was 28 years old when my trauma, a auto accident happened. At least 4-5 days a week I’d be at the gym. Creating the body I wanted. After my accident and 2 months in Shock Trauma and Rehabilitation I went from 240 pounds of muscle to 165 pounds of torn up skin and smashed and broken bones. I have titanium in my femur, foot and ankle. I have to many injuries to list. If you’re interested and want a shot of hope check out my story. Anyways, it took me years to recover and accept who I am.One of the most difficult challenges was to accept the “new me.” The new me is the fact that i was still Bruce , but now my mind and body are permanently different. To get to this sense of self and acceptance I took various courses that taught different ways of being. What I call life tools. I’ll share with you 2 of those life tools that helped me to heal my mind. Which in turn healed my body and helped me to accept who I am (the new me) and my life. The way it was and the way it wasn’t. To this day I use these tools to keep a sense of peace and happiness in my life. To accept the new me I had to let go of my past, what happened/my trauma, catch myself dwelling on the future, and to only think about what’s going on right now.
During my recovery, 7 years, I either constantly thought about how and why my accident happened or worried about what injury was going to put me back in the operation doom. This e
only caused depression or anxiety. Both of which cause your brain to release hormonesike Oxytocin that harm your body. There are all types of resources on the web that can teach you how to live in the present. This helped me to focus on what would help me to create a better body then I had before because I was no longer filling my mind with negative thoughts(the past or future.) Another tool that helped me is learning how to deal with my upsets.
You’re obviously upset about your appearance. Specifically your legs. You didn’t say that you are paralyzed or a amputee. So I’m assuming you still have use of your legs. Orthopedic Surgeons were telling my wife that I would never walk again and was a possible amputee. At one time I believed this . I believed it so much I was making it happen. As humans we create what we think. The mind is like a painter of the body. If you keep telling it to paint legs that are to skinny , have little muscle or whatever negative thoughts you are having about your legs. Your mind will create / paint you that type of legs. I’m telling you from my experience a D first hand knowledge of the power of your mind the thoughts you have. My thoughts usually followed something I became upset about. During my recovery I stayed upset. Usually about not being able to do something because of one of my injuries. Learning how to catch myself when I got upset, how to recognize why I’m upset, and create a different way to be when I get upset is another life tool that helped me accept the new me.
Here are the steps I took to help me during times I became upset. The first step is to recognize when you get upset and why you’re upset. Some peoples temperature rising or third body gets tingly when they’re upset. I start yelling or saying mean things to myself in my head. Once you recognize when you’re getting upset. Find out why you got upset. There are 3 reasons people get upset. They either had a Thrawrted intention – (One wishes to take action but for a variety of reasons can not do so) or Undelivered communication (Have something to say and you kept it to yourself.) or Unfulfilled expectation.(Expect something to happen and it doesn’t.) Once you uncover why you got upset notice your familiar way of handling a upset. Mine is to yell and scream. Usually when I’m trying to prove something. Now that you see your usual way of reaction to a upset you can create a unfamiliar way of handling your upsets. A way in which you’re not making yourself right or wrong. It’s a lot easier to share these tools with someone face to face. I hope they make sense and can be of some use to you. They were for me. These and a couple other “life tools” helped me to save my life. Just remember you help create your future by the thoughts you put in your mind. You’re the Picasa of your body. I wish the best for you during your journey.

bmunsky

Posts: 22
Joined 07/23/2008

Message Privately
#3
Reply: Find it too hard to cope.
by marthatipton on Nov 11, 2017, 01:41PM

Don’t leave hope, stay positive.

marthatipton

Posts: 2
Joined 11/11/2017

Message Privately
#4
Reply: Find it too hard to cope.
by Rose on Aug 23, 2018, 12:51AM

Wow I am new here and after I read what you wrote I must say that you are strong. For you to open up. Never give up. You inspire me.

Rose

Posts: 2
Joined 08/23/2018

Message Privately
#5
Reply: Find it too hard to cope.
by Craigstaten on Aug 10, 2019, 11:27AM

Oh, I can’t imagine your pain, this is actually so horrible. One of my neighbor who is 60 years old, met with an accident on the road and got fractured on both of his legs, so he can’t even, move a little. His family members is not living with him, and there was no one to take care of him in his bad days. So One of his dear-one decided to hire an elder care lawyer ( http://www.scottcounsel.com/ ) who will care for him and will look after all the belongings and the assets to manipulate the things.

Craigstaten

Posts: 2
Joined 08/06/2019

Message Privately
#6
Reply: Find it too hard to cope.
by Craigstaten on Aug 10, 2019, 11:27AM

Oh, I can’t imagine your pain, this is actually so horrible. One of my neighbor who is 60 years old, met with an accident on the road and got fractured on both of his legs, so he can’t even, move a little. His family members is not living with him, and there was no one to take care of him in his bad days. So One of his dear-one decided to hire an elder care lawyer who will care for him and will look after all the belongings and the assets to manipulate the things.

Craigstaten

Posts: 2
Joined 08/06/2019

Message Privately