Feel lifeless
Hi, I’m Nate. I’m 19 years old and I’ve experienced trauma, from dealing with bullying and verbal abuse as a child up to being raped last October. For a while now, I’ve been feeling like every day I live is a constant uphill battle. For the last 3 years, I struggled with substance abuse and with depression/anxiety even longer than that. Up until I checked myself into rehab 6 months ago, I had no idea that trauma was a factor towards the mental state I had been in for so long. Subconsciously, I always ran away from talking about what happened, simply because those traumatic events were no longer occurring. However, I now know that this can’t be something I can run away from, and because I am now aware, life has became so much more difficult. I have been having recurring dreams of past trauma as if it was happening again, along with multiple flashbacks during the day and occasional periods of blaming myself for it all. As a result, I struggle with energy, motivation, and overwhelming emotional distress. At this point, I need to figure out how to manage these symptoms so I can live a normal life. I feel like I’m not living, only surviving. I’m constantly told I have a whole life ahead of me, that things will get better, but I cannot get myself into that mindset. If anyone who’s been through this can give me some recommendations for what I can do to help myself, that would mean the world to me. I have no idea where to start. I just know that life isn’t meant to be lived like this.
