Trauma Survivors Network - provided by ATS

Hallucinations

by Here2Heal on Jan 13, 2012, 07:30AM

One thing that I have struggled with since my accident is the memory of the terror of my stay in the hospital. More traumatic than the accident were the after effects. I’m looking to hear from someone else who has experienced things like I describe below, because unless you’ve been there, it’s impossible to fully understand.

I suffered multiple physical traumas as a result of being hit by a car, but worst of all was the emotional trauma. Periodically, when I was intubated, I would be brought to a level of consciousness for testing where I would be able to dream. I had horrifying and painful nightmares. These were my first experiences since having lost consciousness after being hit. In all honesty I thought I was dead and in Hell. I can’t describe the terror.

When I was brought out of intubation I hallucinated terribly for another two weeks. For the first several days I thought I was being held by terrorists, and without the use of my arms or legs, there was nothing I could do. All the nurses appeared as terrorists with guns, and the machines around me appeared as bombs. The walls moved and the nothing was normal.

I was only conscious at night it seemed. It was after visiting hours, so I did not have the support of my family. After several days I became coherent enough to explain all of this, and I was allowed a 24/7 babysitter in the room that I could talk to when I was Distressed.

Even though the terrorist hallucinations stopped after three days, other hallucinations continued for the next two weeks. I thought I was in a different room every day when I was in the same one. Birds flew about, it would pour rain, and at night I felt so alone. Loosing your grip on reality is awful.

I was in and out of the operating room for those two weeks and every time I came out of surgery my pain was elevated and so were the amount of drugs I was on. So obviously at those time the hallucinations were the worst.

I could go on, but really, I just want to hear from someone who can relate to all this. I long for someone that can understand me. I no longer have test problems, but the memories are still painful.

Reply: Hallucinations

by bb3tictam on Dec 28, 2012, 07:46PM

This must be awful for you. After my third near death I had an allergic reactions to compazine when they gave me a CT scan for repeated projectile vomiting and blinding migraines. I felt like the world was slowing down and my feet were elevated. I checked my self out and caught a cab to pick up my kids and told the cab driver I don’t know what they gave me but I am going to die tonight. By the time I got to the YMCA I felt like my heart would explode. I told him to wait and said please get my kids I am having a heart attack. The next thing I know I am screaming and no one can hear me. I here voices saying what is wrong but they don’t here me.

I woke up at Sierra medical center for about 5 min and starting having seizers again and went into a coma again. I can describe the ambulance people and the lady who had a stoke down the hall but I never left my bed. It is now that I see things in my peripheral that art not there. Floating objects, moving squares. I dream nightmares every night. I feel I should have died and my future was not supposed to be so everything is out of sorts. Surprisingly I can still work Part time. I don’t know if this helps.

Reply: Hallucinations

by Lisa Wilson on Mar 12, 2013, 12:45PM

I read where this was written over a year ago, but yes, I definitely relate to what you describe. I have researched it, and apparently they call it ICU psychosis, so we are not alone. I had very similar experiences. I hallucinated about the end of the world. I looked around like I was on a platform, and viewed the earth from a panoramic viewpoint in a void, brown form with no green grass, no growth whatsoever, just dirt and smoking debris around. It was terrifying. My nurse’s aid told me it was NOT the end of the world, that I was in the hospital and safe, but I remember the horrific pain and all the hallucinations. it was quite terrifying. I completely understand what you went through, and I like to talk about my experiences to kind of desensitize myself to them, but no one understands unless you have been through them.

Reply: Hallucinations

by ginak94 on Apr 23, 2013, 12:48AM

I also had problems where my bestfriend came to visit me and she was high on cocaine, a coworker came to see me on drugs screaming, I kept seeing a little spanish boy walking into my room, at some points I believed I was in a huge room with multiple over people in there and just curtains separating us. Very weird and crazy experiences. It is just so weird that it still to this day feels so real, because it was real to us…those things we all heard and saw are real memories. It was not real, but it will always feel real to us. Just try to understand that what has happened, happened…we can`t change it now…but just know that it was just the drugs and trauma we were experiencing. It will be okay!
Oh yea…I also believed the walls and rooms shifted levels like an elevator. lol,

Reply: Hallucinations

by Kate on Jul 07, 2013, 03:55PM

I can so relate to this topic. I spent a week in the hospital after being diagnosed with multiple pelvic fractures and a fractured tailbone. I was not in any accident and I did not fall. During that weeks stay I was in and out of consciousness I guess you could call it … I think I just slept a lot. My husband tells me that I expressed genuine concern for a little puppy stuck up in the tree outside my hospital window. Of course there was no puppy there. There was also no Marlboro man even though I distinctly saw him standing there. I was on IV drugs for the intense pain I was experiencing and hallucinated quite a bit.
Also, while on this topic, I suffer from steroid psychosis. Not the body building kind of steroids … I am asthmatic and must use prednisone which is a steroid to combat flare ups. With this psychosis comes severe hallucinations ,,, I had to leave my house once because I saw aliens coming in a mist from under the front door frame. I felt threatened by them and knew if I didn’t leave I would be in trouble. One time I opened the refrigerator door and witnessed the most beautiful blue waterfall and visions of misty angels riding the water and coming through into my home and inviting me to go with them. I followed them to the front door and tried to leave with them as they floated through the doorway … my husband asked me what I was doing and I said I was going with the angels. He stood between me and the door and said no, you aren’t going anywhere and led me back to the living room. I was recovering from double pneumonia at the time and had been hospitalized for this.
I could tell you many stories about my hallucinations … I have to take an anti-psychotic drug called Risperdal now whenever I take Prednisone … as long as I take the two drugs in conjunction with one another the hallucinations are under control.
Sorry for being so long winded but it is so wonderful to share with you all who know what these drug or trauma induced hallucinations are like … to us they are real … at times acutely so. I am so happy to have found this forum.

Reply: Hallucinations

by tjoenks on May 22, 2014, 04:41PM

I can relate as well. After I was brought out of the medical coma, they went to place an epidural for pain relief. I remember thinking wow, they are really advanced here at Vanderbilt! It was like I could hear a voice coming over an intercom stating move me a little more this way and I was floating. Every time they even slightly adjusted my position, I could see moving blocks. I would feel a touch on my back and then blocks would move again. It was like something out of tron. It stayed with me. When I finally was alert, I had to ask about the epidural process. I am a nurse and though I needed to learn of this great new technology… In reality, it was no different from an epidural you get during pregnancy except I was laying down. I thought I was insane. I was lost the first few days after waking up. I could have sworn walls were closing in. That I had been moved multiple times to different areas. I never moved once. I remember once being so scared that I cried with the nurse asking her don’t leave me I don’t want to move again.