One thing that I have struggled with since my accident is the memory of the terror of my stay in the hospital. More traumatic than the accident were the after effects. I’m looking to hear from someone else who has experienced things like I describe below, because unless you’ve been there, it’s impossible to fully understand.
I suffered multiple physical traumas as a result of being hit by a car, but worst of all was the emotional trauma. Periodically, when I was intubated, I would be brought to a level of consciousness for testing where I would be able to dream. I had horrifying and painful nightmares. These were my first experiences since having lost consciousness after being hit. In all honesty I thought I was dead and in Hell. I can’t describe the terror.
When I was brought out of intubation I hallucinated terribly for another two weeks. For the first several days I thought I was being held by terrorists, and without the use of my arms or legs, there was nothing I could do. All the nurses appeared as terrorists with guns, and the machines around me appeared as bombs. The walls moved and the nothing was normal.
I was only conscious at night it seemed. It was after visiting hours, so I did not have the support of my family. After several days I became coherent enough to explain all of this, and I was allowed a 24/7 babysitter in the room that I could talk to when I was Distressed.
Even though the terrorist hallucinations stopped after three days, other hallucinations continued for the next two weeks. I thought I was in a different room every day when I was in the same one. Birds flew about, it would pour rain, and at night I felt so alone. Loosing your grip on reality is awful.
I was in and out of the operating room for those two weeks and every time I came out of surgery my pain was elevated and so were the amount of drugs I was on. So obviously at those time the hallucinations were the worst.
I could go on, but really, I just want to hear from someone who can relate to all this. I long for someone that can understand me. I no longer have test problems, but the memories are still painful.