Head injury/widow/gunshot suicide survivor
There have been many successes in my life, and many losses. In 2006 I fell down the stairs, and suffered a concussion so severe that I had permanent brain damage. Along with a year of recovery and rehabilitation, I developed depression and panic attacks. The right medication and lifestyle helped me live a productive life. Depression is a disease that can be managed and cured with the right treatment. It helped me through losing my husband and best friend to cancer in 2007. However, I was not prepared for the blows that occurred in 2009. Every major stress, every life loss, occurred in a matter of months. My money began to run out. My health suffered as my blood pressure and heart rate soared. I was hospitalized 16 times for stress related complications. I lost my health insurance, and ran out of medication. My options vanished along with my resources. I felt helpless and hopeless.
Health gone, money gone, my car almost repossessed twice and eviction coming in 5 days, I was so low I could barely move. Depression is an evil disease. It distorts reality. I know what the indicators are for depression, for a person in danger of suicide. I hid those signs. I appear to be the cheerful one, always with a quick smile and an uplifting thing to say. I’m plucky, optimistic, glass half full with a big pitcher on the side. A couple of friends asked me seriously how I was doing, and made me promise not to hurt myself. I lied with a reassuring smile.
On October 22, 2010, I loaded my 357 with hollow point bullets and shot myself in the head. It’s impossible that I survived the gunshot. An angel grabbed that bullet and crushed it, so that it didn’t shatter and spread as designed. I used a gun and bullets that should have been fatal at any distance. I aimed from my throat toward the back of my head, so if the gun kicked it would kick toward the center. A helicopter was dispatched, and I landed in the 2nd best trauma ER in the US, with the best trauma team on duty and waiting for me. I survived without a nick of brain damage. Each miracle is as unbelievable as it is real.
