feeling guilty
Me and my boyfriend went to a co-workers party. I was having a blast because this was the first time since I had a day to myself without my daughter. She’s almost 1! Well my mom wanted me home by 9 to pick my daughter up. I lost track of time and it was already 11. I was a little worried about leaving my drunk boyfriend at a house where I only knew one other person. So I told him I would come back for him. Midnight rolls around and after getting lost a few times, I finally found the house. We were about a half n hour away from our house. I’m surprised I wasn’t tired at all. I’m driving and talking to my boyfriend when I notice a person walking on the side of the road. My reaction was to go a little in the other lane to avoid hitting him. Well he jumps out in front of me waving his arms and screaming. I couldn’t quite make out what he said. But after just barely missing him I slowly drive by looking to see who it was. The look he gave me sent chills down my spine. Its now burnt into my head. By this point I’m shaken and my heart is racing. So many questions went through my mind. Like should I call the cops, it was clear that he was very intoxicated. Or maybe I should stop and see if he’s alright. Then it all came down to my daughter. I didn’t know if this person was armed or not. I couldn’t risk something happening to my baby. So I took off. I kept thinking this guy is going to get hit. The next day I go to work and on of my co-workers came up to me and asked me if I heard what happened. My heart sank to the ground. I felt uneasy. My managers son was hit and killed. I couldn’t breathe. I looked at my managers Facebook account and seen a picture of what her son looks like. Sure enough that’s the guy I almost hit. I’ve never met this guy. I keep wondering what if I would’ve known that was my managers son. I would’ve stopped or even called his mother. I feel so guilty for not doing anything. A lot of people say I’m overreacting. I’m just a very caring person. Maybe I care too much? But since that night I have a panic attack every time I drive by someone walking down the street. Thinking that they’re going to jump in front of me. Every time I see my manager I just want to cry and apologize a million times. I don’t even know what to do. That night keeps replaying over and over in my head. How can I not blame myself? It happened not even twenty minutes after I passed him.
