Run over by a truck
Hello. In 2012 I was cycling to a meeting with my boss. I was in a bike lane and crossing an intersection on a green light. A garbage truck came up from behind me and turned in front of me. As soon as I saw it I tried to swerve out of the way but there was nowhere to go. The truck hit me and knocked me over. I tried to get up but I had no time. It kept going and ran over me and my bike. It was a busy intersection so people immediately stopped to help. I am so grateful for that. I never lost consciousness and had a Glasgow coma score of 15, which everyone thought was remarkable considering the severity of the trauma. I spent a few months in hospital/rehab and very quickly took control of my recovery, realizing at once that no one else cared as much as I did about it. Family, friends, employer and colleagues were all very supportive and not one day went by without at least one visitor. Some days I had eleven or more and I had to schedule them in carefully. It kept me occupied and cheerful. Once I got home, I had some outside help at first, but things were very tough. My husband and I both expected things would return to normal as soon as I got out of the wheelchair and could walk. This was not the case. I put all my efforts into physiotherapy 3x per week and it sapped my energy so I found I was spending 20 hours a day in bed! Brutal. Because I looked fine and was cheerful on the outside, everyone (except doctors and therapists) thought I was fine. I couldn’t understand myself why it was taking so long. I went back to work one day per week six months after the accident. I used to love my job, managing a virtual office of a consulting company from home. I found even one day a week too taxing and not enough to properly contribute anything. I felt I was working as hard as humanly possible trying to hold it all together and was devastated to learn that my boss considered letting me work was a favour to me. It was destroying me! I made the hardest decision to go back on medical leave. At first it was a relief to have some time to tend to my family and things I had neglected (2 years of tax returns!) but now I just feel very sad and useless. I am still in physio 3x/week, massage 1x/week, Pilates 1x/week and I have signed up for an additional 2 weekly exercise classes this January.
Last September I managed to walk a 5k for charity. Normally I would run it but my running days are over. I was so inspired by Terry fox, a local hero who lost a leg to cancer but ran a marathon every day for 143 days across Canada to raise awareness until the cancer came back and he died. I want to make my injury mean something. I want to feel needed and useful again but I don’t know how or what to do. There are no peer programs in my city. I have often felt very alone but finding this website and knowing there are so many other people going through different injuries but essentially the same thing has helped so much in just one day. I feel like I can’t relate to my friends and family anymore and they have all stopped calling and visiting anyway. They wonder why I look fine but I’m not back to normal. My physio thinks my days of working 50 hours a week are over and I know she’s right. I loved my job and now it’s gone. This new phase of recovery is the hardest so far because I feel so alone. I did 16 weeks of post trauma cognitive behaviour therapy but I was working then and this feeling of uselessness is new since I stopped working. I feel abandoned by everyone but I don’t blame them. Life goes on and people can’t stay in crisis mode forever. I just wish I had someone to talk to. Someone who has been through this and found some meaning on the other side. I’m sorry this is so long. Everyone on here is so inspiring. I thank you all for sharing your stories.
