Trauma Survivors Network - provided by ATS

How to deal with the scars?

by Soshy on Jul 25, 2014, 02:19PM

Hi,

I am so glad to have found this place. I have to preface to say my injury is no where near as bad as a lot of the stories on here and it is amazing to read what people have overcome.

I got burned by boiling water as a child, living in a developing country. The burns were not treated well and I am left with very raised and discoloured burns all over my feet and legs. I still can’t look at them, they make me feel sick and I can’t stop being jealous of all my friends who can go shoe shopping, get pedicures, tan and generally wear shorts without feeling self conscious and getting asked questions. Not many people know about my scars as I hide them.

I am quite pale so they are not noticeable until close up but the ones on my ankles are especially visible and I avoid shoe shopping, swimming and any other summer activity like the plague.

I have been dating a guy for a while now, almost a year. Amazingly, he has not noticed my scars yet. I know I should tell him but I am terrified of what he will say and I go out of my way to hide them. I know it’s wrong but I have seen him a few times comment on other peoples imperfections and I just don’t know that he will accept them. I love him and apart from that one thing, he is incredibly sweet and caring.

I know I probably made it worse by not telling him up front but now I feel like he will be so disappointed and won’t be able to accept them and keep looking and being grossed out by them. It’s so hard to hide them and wear pants in summer etc.

What should I do? Should I tell him, and admit I was keeping it a secret or just wear shorts so he notices them? I am so worried he will break up with them when he sees them and that I have been hiding them. It’s like I won’t be the same person to him anymore.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Please help me.

Reply: How to deal with the scars?

by AngieFisher on Jul 25, 2014, 05:41PM

Thank you for sharing your story. You will find great support and read amazing stories of survival on this website. You can read mine under the Friends and Family section. I can tell you from experience, from your boyfriend’s perspective. My husband lost his right leg at the knee and his left leg is riddled with scars. His scars do not change who he is as a person nor does it change the love that I have for him. As a matter of fact, I love him more today. It took two years for him to recover from his accident. Struggling through that time is what brought us closer. I’m so thankful that he is still here with me, scars and all. You should show your boyfriend, tell him your story and he will love you more for your strength and courage.

Stay strong,
Angela

Reply: How to deal with the scars?

by KatyHollis on Jul 25, 2014, 09:07PM

Hi Soshy,

Thanks for sharing your story!

No one can tell you what you should do. So, I’m not going to tell you what to do, but instead tell you about my scars. I was also burned. The bulk of my scars are on my left arm. I was burned when I was 37 years old. I spent the first two years after my accident covering up my arm. I hated the way my arm looked and even referred to my arm as my “bad arm.” Once while out shopping with a friend I was looking for only long-sleeve shirts since my scars start at my shoulder and go all the way down to my thumb. I was frustrated because it was spring time and stores had only short-sleeved shirts or 3/4 length sleeve shirts. Later that summer I was at a wedding and I wore long sleeves. It was a very hot and humid day and I was miserable in my long sleeves. As the day went on I became mad. Mad at my scars. Mad at my long sleeves. Mad at my stubbornness. I realized that something had to change.

My scars are never going to go away. They are as much a part of me as the color of my eyes or the size of my feet. I needed to accept my arm and the scars. I was incredibly self conscious when I started wearing short sleeves. And yes, I noticed people staring at the scars. If my scars make other people uncomfortable I now realize it is their problem. I am now proud of the scars. They are a sign of my strength for everyone to see.

I hope this helps.
Katy

Reply: How to deal with the scars?

by Soshy on Jul 25, 2014, 11:53PM

Thanks for the replies. I know that I should tell him and if he doesn’t accept them, he is not the one but I feel like I stuffed up by not telling him straight up.

It’s like I was lying to him and I will be a different person to the one he is with. He is going to be so disappointed when he seems my scarred legs.

Reply: How to deal with the scars?

by towingmycar24 on Oct 13, 2014, 10:47AM

ok

Reply: How to deal with the scars?

by AFTERMATHEMATIK on Nov 12, 2014, 03:39AM

Often i worry about the many scars that i have displaced all throughout my body. However, as many have stated, those scars shouldn’t haunt you the rest of your life but, rather, remind you of how much you went through and thus grew from. If you closely and watch people just walking by, you will see their scar that they have from time to time. stay strong