United 232. 31 years ago
I’ve been reading many of your stories and I want to hug you all! I was on a plane that crashed 31 years ago and still dream the details in slow motion, even after all these years. Many people lived and many died. It took me a long time to decide who the lucky ones were. I’m not good with graphic details of the ordeal, the words are hard to put together. My injuries were loss of an eye, broken ribs, punctured lung, concussion, multiple skull fractures, severed temporal artery, crushed tear duct, neck snapped so hard I tasted spinal fluid, broken leg and several little things that have healed. I suppose I could add unpleasant memories to the list because they affect me daily and haunt my dreams. I get panic attacks when I get woke up dreaming about it. My mom was in her late 50s (getting old and alone), she fell and broke her shoulder badly. I went to stay with her and help her. She couldn’t drive or wash her hair. She had no help and I felt bad for her. When she learned to do things and could care for herself, I was going back home but didn’t get there. Mom tried blaming herself but I wouldn’t let her! Things happen. Life is so random. The main thing is I’m still here and still improving. My biggest challenge today is mentally. The worst is over and I can guarantee I’ll never get on another airplane. I avoid people. I want to melt when someone stares at me. Cats don’t care how I look, so I have a few and they keep me sane. I started a home business making carved wood boxes and selling them. That also keeps me sane. I’ve learned by encouraging others, I’m encouraging myself also. I struggle with grief and made myself physically ill from sadness. The doctors have a fancy name for the condition I caused myself, “Takutsmoto syndrome” (spelled wrong?) Also known as broken heart syndrome. Uncontrolled grief causes physical damage. Today I live one day at a time with my cats and try to do something to make progress while keeping my mind in happy places. Spinal pain changes my plans at times so I have hobbies to do that are relaxing, like adult coloring books or scrapbooks. Best wishes to everyone here! I’m glad I found it. I googled "disaster survivor grief support ".
