I Jumped 4 Stories, Still Grateful
some graphic language/situations- I’m March of 2015 I was 6 months out of drug rehabilitation, and had left the rehab on more drugs then I came in on. I was in a constant state of anxiety and depression. I remember the day perfectly, it was on a Friday, and one of my friends was getting married so it brought me together with friends to have a fun weekend. After having a normal Friday, the evening rolled around. One of my friends suggested we do some psychedelic mushrooms. I happily obliged. Fast forward 3 hours and I’m having a panic attack telling my friends to call the ambulance, otherwise known as a bad trip. At the time I was living in a 4 story corner apartment with a balcony. There were many people there, some had taken mushrooms some had not, which makes for a very weird/awkward vibe. I couldn’t take the energy in the room and decided to go sit on the balcony while I’m peaking on this mushroom trip. I remember I thought to myself ‘I’ll be stuck like this forever, my family isn’t going to want to be in my life anymore.’ Basically all negative thinking that exacerbated my bad trip. All of a sudden thoughts of self harm started going through my brain (I am the last person to ever want to hurt themself) but these thoughts I couldn’t control. I got up and went straight to my bathroom (keep in mind there is a party going on so people are everywhere) where I usually had a pocket knife, I was going to slit my throat. The sharpest thing I could find was a pair of tweezers. I slashed them across my neck leaving deep scratches but nothing that would cut open my throat. Frustrated, I jammed the tweezers into my face and forehead (where there are still scars), luckily missing my eyes. Next thing I know a thought or voice comes into my head that says “jump off the balcony.” So I ran from my bathroom into the living room where everyone is hanging out and I see the balcony door is open. I sprint across the room and one of the girls (she was sober) who was there had an inkling for what I was about to do, She yelled “Garrett STOP.” I was really just trying to escape this place (my apartment) and forgot I lived 4 stories up. I remember the Downtown skyline of Fort Worth, like it’s burned in my brain. It all happened in slow motion as I hit the ground feet first. My friends ran downstairs and one of them gave me mouth to mouth until the ambulance showed up. I came to when they started to try and move my body from the ground to the ambulance. I was in the most blissed out state ever, I couldn’t see or talk, but something told me everything is going to be ok. I was so blissed out and in a trance state, all of my senses I could use (basically just smell and hearing at that time) were massively intensified. I remember the paramedics breath as he told me to hold on, and to breathe. I didn’t want to, I felt like I wanted to die but God or something would not let me. I remember a feeling of “there is more for you to do here before you leave.” I resented God in that moment, and for weeks to come until I finally was able to take a step back and realize I was alive. As far as my injuries – I had a concussion, deep abrasions on my neck and face, a minor fracture in my neck area, compound fractures on both legs, plates in both ankles, pelvis fractured in 3 places, A broken sacrum, and a shattered left elbow, I couldn’t move for about a week because my body was so sore from the impact. I had nurses wiping my ass and feeding me. I was in the depths of despair when I realized I couldn’t even wipe my own ass. That’s when it really hit me, I couldn’t move my body at all yet it hurt so bad. I now have too many titanium plates and screws to count in my body. My leg bones were hollowed out and filled with titanium. As far as the surgeries, I had over 10-12 surgeries in a span on 2 months. My left elbow surgery was botched 2 times, I lived with a “fixed in place arm” i.e. no rotation or extension for 3 years, my body had adjusted accordingly and everything seemed ok, I had a job and was actually happy, my body did what it had to do to adjust to my new reality. Finally, fed up with my arm and the pain it was causing, I went to the Hospital for Special Surgery in New York to get my elbow fixed. This surgery was successful and it caused my body to start adjusting to my even newer reality, everything that was adjusted for previously no longer served me as my arm was starting to straighten out and “unravel” over time. One thing I want to make clear is your entire body is connected, I know this because of my experience. Because my arm had been locked up for so long, it atrophied other parts of my body, mainly my back and shoulders, but realistically it affected everything. Now here I am, 8 years later after dealing with so many doctors and different medications and opinions of others. I have decided to take my health into my own hands. Every day my body gets closer to what it was before my accident. Every day my attitude gets better. I know I’m the end everything will be ok, as we are just spiritual beings experiencing a physical reality in a physical vessel (our body). Your mindset it everything, I could have accepted the doctors words “you’ll probably never walk again,” but if he wouldn’t have said that, I wouldn’t have been so determined to prove him wrong. I never accepted anything the doctors told me as my fate, if you can see it in your mind, you can achieve it in this physical place. I’m 3 months I was up walking again and riding bikes, yes it hurt like hell but pain is a good sign things are still working and that “help is on the way.” If we could just change the way we look at pain, our society would be a lot different. PAIN IS GOOD, THERE IS NO GROWTH WITHOUT PAIN. I am so grateful to be here and don’t know what my future holds but I am happy and content in this moment forever moving forward.
