*Walk or Die*
It was a clear, sub zero morning in the Rocky mountains of Idaho. I had left the day after Thanksgiving in 2007 for a week hunting trip. No one was able to go with me so I was alone. I was fine with that I had done it many times before. I drove my pickup up a canyon where no one had been for a long time, I could tell by the foot of snow on the ground. I then unloaded my ATV and went up an ATV trail higher in the mountains. I parked it and then continued to hunt on foot. Not long after leaving I did find some deer, but could not take one. I was using a primitive muzzleloader so it was more difficult to get something. Not long after that, I saw a Buck deer that was following the same trail the others had been on. I got myself in place and was able to harvest him. I took care of him and cleaned him. He was quite aways down the back side of a mountain that my ATV was on. I decided I could retrieve him with my ATV. Driving down the mountain seemed OK. I loaded him on the front of the ATV. I then proceeded up the mountain. It was steeper than I had realized. I came to a place where I needed to turn, when I did my uphill front wheel hit a fallen tree under the snow I did not see, which caused the entire ATV to raise up and start to turn over. No chance of stopping it I tried to jump away from it. Landing on my knees I thought to myself, I’ve got to get away. At that time the ATV struck me in the back of the head and came over on top of me, crushing me. I do remember it being on top of me and hearing poping sounds coming from my back. The next memory I have was waking up face down in the snow and cold. It was about 9am in the morning still. I could feel pain coming from my back, I could not feel my legs. I thought I was paralyzed but I could move my toes and feet. Lying there I realized I was in a bad situation. No one knew where I was at. No one had been where I was at for weeks and there may be no one come, where I was at till spring. No one expected me home for another 7 days. I had no choice, I had to get out on my own or die of hypothermia. I decided to try and stand up, I did not know how serious it was. I got about 3 inches off the ground and body muscles in my entire back, stomach and down into my hips and back of my upper legs began to immediately have seizures. I collasped immediately to the ground. I started to try to breath more deeply but could not. Every breath I tried to take, I could only do very shallow breathing. It was like my breaths were trying to cut me in two and I would seizure if I breathed to deep. I also thought about back injuries, that if left alone the pressure would eventually paralyze me. After about 10 minutes of thinking I knew I had no choice, either die or get out. I then tried to crawl, that was absolutely impossible. It felt like it would tear me in two. I had no choice, walk or die. I tried 6 times to get to my feet. Things were not moving like they were suppose to and the pain became so severe I would collaspe each time. I just knew that when I got to my feet I would paralyze myself, but I had no choice. The seventh attempt to get to my feet, I concentrated with all my mind. The pain was so severe I thought I would pass out. When I got to my feet it felt like my body from my neck down into my legs were being electrocuted. I then proceeded to walk, I may have gotten 50 yards and fell. I thought for sure I was paralyzed, but was not. I noticed the ATV had rolled down the hill and was impossible for me to retrieve and ride out on. It hurt so bad to get up again, but I did and made it another short distance, maybe 40 or 50 yards, I don’t know and collapsed. I didn’t know exactly how far I was from the pickup. It turned out to be 3 miles. I got up again, but this time fell instantly. Up again, down again. I did this 6 times. The legs just were not moving. I layed there and decided it was over. Blackness settled in on my feelings. The pain was bad, but if I didn’t move I could endure it. Lying there about 30 minutes I thought, that I could move my legs, I just couldn’t tell what they were doing. If I watched them maybe that would help. I got up again, everytime to get to my feet was a struggle from hell. Watching my legs I made a step then another and another. Only being able to breath very shallow breaths, I could only go so far. Many times I would fall before lying down. Each time I fell the terror of being paralyzed hit each time. I did not know my L1 had totally exploded into very small pieces into my spinal canal and intestines. All of my discs from the T12 down, had been smashed. Nothing was protecting my spinal cord at the L1 and each time I stood it was trying to bulge the cord. Many times I wanted to give up. Going into shock, which did help enduring the pain, I began to loose sound judgement and wasn’t for sure where I was going at times. I did get to the pickup about 5:30pm and drove myself out to cell phone coverage. When the paramedics seen me they immediately called for life flight.
When the Neuro Surgeon came in to explain what was wrong with me and what they had to do to me it was another traumatizing experience. An implant had to be installed in place of the L1 and it’s discs. They had to literally cut me from the back around to the front of me. Because of the large amounts of water that needed to be infused in me I nearly suffocated in surgery. A lung was punctured and filled totally of water and the one lung was 80% full. I was in ICU for 3 days and the hospital for 2 weeks. I was always thankful I had the use of my legs, but after getting home I couldn’t do anything for myself for nearly 6 weeks.
The recovery has been long and I am still doing pain management and therapy as many nerves were damaged also. The worse part of recovery was the PTSD that I didn’t know I was going through. I couldn’t quit thinking about the horrible experience of getting out. Being in constant pain seemed to keep me in it. It was like a prison. I needed help and did not realize it, nor did anyone else realize it. Now that it has been almost 4 years, I continue to improve and I do feel like there is hope of living without pain thanks to medications, therapy and good doctors. I have changed a lot since then. My wife has recoginzed that and our relationship has gotten better. I have become a more understanding and loving person. In the end, what I went through was worth what I got from it. I have also gained a lot of compassion for those who go through trauma and the psychological changes that can happen.
