Trauma Survivors Network - provided by ATS

My story: PTSD ... feel so alone

by Ellierose4 on Sep 27, 2011, 01:48AM

July 12, 2009

Crash:
Passenger in car
Car went into ditch and hit a culvert under a driveway. Ramped up in the air. Hit 3 trees. Flipped over and and landed on top of me. I was projected out the window out of the car. I was trapped in waist area under car.

Injuries:
TBI
left amputated ear- reattached
Cuts on my face – scars
Broken jaw- 2 titanium plates
Broken clavicle
Broken ribs
Broken right arm
Broke lower back in 3 place
Broke upper neck in 2
Punctured hole in heart

Pain:
from greatest to least

My back hurts the worst- everyday
My PTSD is overwhelming
ANXIETY attacks
Controlling my emotions
My neck
Headaches
Jaw pain

Before crash:
Just graduated high school. With my first love. Dancer that traveled all around the country to compete.

How the crash has affected me:
Depression, PSTD, health issues, Pain, lost the love of my life
I am now in nursing school. Have 3 more semesters left. I want to be able to help others understand what is normal. Maybe just help one other person with there new path of living with there new life after an crash.

Its been more than 2 years. I want to talk to someone that understand what i am going thru. PTSD seems to control my life. My anxiety is awful. I am depressed.

PLEASE contact me. i WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO SOMEONE THAT I CAN RELATE TO

Reply: My story: PTSD ... feel so alone

by rapvan on Sep 27, 2011, 04:23AM

Hello Ellierose, my name is Ray i can relate and i feelyour pain . to go from happy, healthy and whole to sad,hurt and broken in a instant. Yeah it’s almost more than a soul can bear. My heart, body and soul have been twisted and broken. It’s truly amazing what the human body can endure and a testament to the human spirit. i want to quit most days but somehow i get through my days with all this pain. to go through this world hurting all the time makes me wonder why, alot!. My daughter is all i live for anymore help her grow up and get her life started. She’s just a kid who never bargined for any of this . I was airlifted to San Antonio with a dozen fractures and enternal injuries was consicious and combative at the scene. Had to be resuciatated in the helicopter and my blood pressure went to zero twice on the operating table . Went into coma on the 13 day my kid come into the room and touched me on my arm and said Daddy i love you i sat up in bed and tried to spit out my tube . A couple of days later they took me off the ventalator and i started my recovery . Surgerys ,procedures and therapy i know it all to well. There once was a day i believed that i would quit hurting someday, now i know that day will never come that i will live with this pain for the rest of my life! It’s not fair i took great care of my body was a atheliete i trained in martial arts most of my life i could move like the wind devey gravity at times. Life was just a game to me something i took for granted everyday i never hurt i was never sick i was a throughrobreed healthy as a horse and happy as a lark. I could fly. Now im a disabled used to be kickboxer with a bad arm and a sore attitude. You know there was a time when i thought that i would put it all behind me i still had my wife the love of my life and then she just stopped loving me i was’nt that man anymore that she married and she did’nt want to live with the one i was now. Yeah that kicked my ass harder than the wreck did. Tweenty two years together and it was over in one night i got mad wanted to come to fort worth for better docs and phys therapy and she filed for divorce and would’nt let me come home no more. God i miss her and the way we were . Wonder if i will ever be happy again i thank God my daughter lives with me it takes some of the sting out of the divorce and the worry about where she is are what she is doing. PTSD yeah i got it and it’s tuff i want to live and love again work and be happy love and be loved. We were so happy, well i guess i was living a lie all those years maybe never really knew her at all. The Docs are trying to talk me into another surgery one more bone shave maybe a tendon reattachment . They gaurantee more range of motion, wont say that about the pain. I just thought i knew what pain was had several professional fights never been knocked out was qouate" one tuff little white boy". Now i have grown old in a instant . i need to quit crying truth is i have been so blessed in this life even after the wreck i should be a parapalegic sitting in a chair drooling on myself in a nursing home but no i can still work a little still play and love i still got so much love to give and life to live . I loved playing Golf and i still can. Shot four over the other day and still compete on a regular basis even win every now and then. Most of all i miss my wife sure wished i could hold her again and love her the way i used too. Sorry you have been hurt and lost your love too . We survived for a reason i dont know what all those reasons are not sure i even want too. But as long as where here we must go on and try to make the best with what we have left. You are young and beautiful you will love again mite even have a family some day if thats what you want. I pray you feel Gods peace and love in your life he wants us to be happy it’s up to us to be that way we get what we choose. It’s that simple. Thank you for letting me vent and listen to me cry please write back i want to get to know you better. Ray

Reply: My story: PTSD ... feel so alone

by KatyHollis on Jun 13, 2013, 07:37PM

You posted your message a couple of years ago, but since I’m new to the TSN website I’m exploring. I was in a fireworks accident in 2007 with my two young sons.

I wanted to reach out to you to see how you are doing. Did you finish with nursing school? How is your pain management?